-You guys, Jennifer Lopez
is my guest tonight! [ Cheers and applause ] Jennifer is here promoting
her new movie, “Hustlers,” which is about
a group of strippers who steal money from wealthy men
on Wall Street. [ Cheers and applause ] Jennifer has done
the impossible — she made a movie
that both President Trump and Bernie Sanders can enjoy. [ Cheers and applause ] It’s impossible. -Yeah. -Let’s get to the big news
out of Washington. Earlier today, President Trump
announced over Twitter that he fired his national
security adviser, John Bolton. Yep, Trump tweeted Bolton’s
services were no longer needed and that he strongly disagreed
with many of his suggestions. Bolton thought we should
continue the war in Afghanistan, and Trump thought
we should continue the war with Chrissy Teigen. [ Laughter ] They didn’t agree on that. [ Applause ] Pretty soon
after Trump’s tweets, Bolton responded on Twitter
by saying, “I offered to resign last night,
and President Trump said, ‘Let’s talk about it tomorrow.'” [ Laughter ] Trump was like, “Technically
I am talking about it tomorrow.” I mean, Bolton really
should have seen this coming. Every kid on Earth knows
“let’s talk about it tomorrow” means you’re definitely
not getting that pony. Can we see a picture
of John Bolton? Yeah, now that he’s —
Now that he’s out of a job, Bolton said he’s going to
spend more time with his fellow walruses. [ Laughter ] I’m kidding. I’m just kidding.
I’m kidding. Bolton actually said
he’s gonna go head west and “go pan for gold
in dem der hills!” [ Laughter ] [ Cheers and applause ] “Come on.
Aw, chicken scratch!” -“Ohh! Daggumit!” -It’s not all bad news
for Bolton. I mean, if he wants to keep
his job, he can just shave his mustache and show up
for work tomorrow. It’s like, “Who’s the new guy?
I like him. Welcome aboard.” But Trump says that he’ll name a new national security adviser
next week. I’m a little worried because so far his number -one choice
is The General. [ Laughter ] Some more news —
Last night, Trump went to North Carolina for a rally,
and right after he arrived, a bolt of lightning struck close
to Air Force One. Check it out. Look at this.
Ooh. It’s weird. For a few minutes,
everything Trump tweeted was spelled exactly right. [ Laughter ] -Wow.
-Thankfully everyone was fine. But I think we have a picture of the President
getting off the plane. Is that true?
Yeah, there he is. -That’s not good. [ Applause ] -But it’s smart for Trump
to hit the campaign trail because a new poll is showing his approval rating
is at just 38%. Trump didn’t seem too upset.
He was like, “The only polls I care about now
are the ones in strip clubs. Go see ‘Hustlers.’
Out this weekend.” [ Cheers and applause ] And now Trump
is doing the best he can to boost his approval rating. Today he took a Sharpie
and turned the 38 into an 88. -Ohh!
-Hey, this is big. Apple unveiled
its new iPhones today, and everyone’s excited
’cause the new version has three cameras on the back. -Ohh.
-Yeah. Apple says it takes
such clear selfies, you’ll find chins
you never knew you had. They also introduced
a new Frogger game for their Apple Arcade service. ‘Cause nothing says cutting-edge
like the hottest game from 1981. Guys, it’s currently Fashion
Week here in New York City. And this is exciting, right?
Fashion Week! [ Cheers and applause ] This year, many designers are showing off
some interesting new looks. For example,
one designer debuted something a little strange —
a bejeweled beard. Look at this. It’s actually part of
their Wolf Blitzer Collection. I saw one of the hot new trends
this year are tiny purses. Take a look at this. Yeah, perfect if you only
want to carry one Altoid. -Oh.
-Yeah. It’s tiny, but somehow it still takes you
10 minutes to find your keys. You’re like, “Where…?” I just heard that Kanye West
just purchased a $14-million ranch in Wyoming, where he’ll raise
horses and cattle. Yeah, horses and cattle. So, Kanye,
get ready to scoopy de poop. [ Laughter ] [ Applause ] Poopy-di scoop.
Scoopy de poop. And, finally,
there’s a new version of Monopoly out
called Ms. Monopoly, where women get paid
more than men. [ Cheers and applause ] There’s the box.
There’s the box right there. Yeah, the Monopoly Guy
got the boot, so between him and John Bolton, it’s been a rough day
for old guys with mustaches.